It's all in my mind. . . its all in this wild imagination that never takes a nap. . .
Today, I need inspiration. BADLY! It seems that every where I look, I'm being told to stop my talking about God, that I need to stop trying to "make the world see my point of view" I'm not making anyone do anything. I'm also being told that I was bragging? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?! Oh well, I need to breathe. I'm very frustrated with the whole thing and I want to quit writing, but I won't just yet. I feel there are still a few things I need to get off my chest before I give up. I am not one to give up. Honestly, When I start something, I intend to finish it. I've lost all hope in wanting to make a change. So far the only thing I've changed by using JoeUser, is me. I've changed drasticly since May 6. I went from wanting to write to make a difference, to wanting to write to get feedback, and that was wrong. Part of me thinks that my wanting feedback was a way to find out how to better my writing, but I didn't really get that. Not my readers fault in any way. I don't mean to sound like I am blaming you in anyway, because I'm not. I love my readers. I went from writing good things that could some day come back to me and make me smile, to writing things that didn't really matter, for say, my writing about my day, for some people writing about your day could be great, but for me, it was nothing but a sob fest, and I'm ashamed of myself for that. So I'm going to ask for forgiveness, and hopefully ya'll will forgive me for doing something stupid like that. From here on out, I'd like to write to give myself a sense of fulfillment because I've writen something worthwhile. Because I tried, and even if I fail in trying to make everyone see what God is having me write, then so be it, at least I'm trying.
If that's bragging, then I'm sorry, I didn't mean to "brag" before. I'm sorry if I sound that way. *shrugs* Now I can actually get on with the topic for today.
*puts her hand on her forehead and thinks*
I read something yesterday, it wasn't really new to me, but it was refreshing. It was the poem about the man who in a dream had his life flash before him, and he saw on the sand 2 sets of foot prints in some places, and in others there were only 1 set. And he thought that God had abandoned him during the hard times, because those were the times when there was only 1 set. But he found out, that that one set of prints wasn't his, they were God's. And God was carrying him through that time. And I know this may sound crazy, and I may be starting to seem a little weird with what I talk about, but there is this new light in me, and I have to let it shine. I can't keep it in forever, and I don't think I want to try to hide it anymore. God is like a mystery, at first. But once you take hold of him, and grasp him in your hands, he is opened up like a book, literally. How can you expect to get anywhere, when you're not taking what God has had right there for you the whole time. Open your Bible. Don't look so shocked! That book, may not sound interesting at first, but once you get into it, there are sooooo many things that can take you and put you through a loop. I mean, there are love stories, and stories of war, and if you name it, it's 9 times out of 10 in there.
And so my thoughts are continuing to stray, sorry. I get to typing and I can't stop, and even if I were to stop, my fingers'd just start back up again. I got a new notebook this afternoon, to keep track of my thoughts, so that when I get on here, I don't have to think too hard. LoL I always find myself at the store or watching tv or doing pretty much anything, and having a brainstorm and nothing to write on. So the notebook helps. So, like I said before, I hope you all can forgive me for turning my back on the important things, and if you don't, I understand. Please let me know what your thinking, if there is anything you think I should write about, you know, something you've been thinking about and want some advice, or whatever, just let me know.. I can write anything from anything.
Please Forgive me!
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Ashlee Ryder