Feel Free to Help With The Title Making. . .
"I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... There's gotta be more
I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing
I'm wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....
There's gotta be more to life"
I heard that song today while driving into Knox to pick up a few things for my Grandma. And it hit me. This is me. I'm searching for something that's already there. It's been here, and I knew it was here, but I don't think I've been listening to it. I will tell you what it is that I missing, at the end of this article.
All those moments, that I felt so alone, I wasn't.
All those times I sat in my room and cried because I felt like I was missing something, He was there. And He felt my pain.
All those days when I felt myself losing grip, He was there. In a way, He was holding me up.
All those lonely nights, when my friends were out partying, and doing things I knew were wrong, He was there, holding my hand.
All those tears I've cried, He was there, wiping them away.
Now, who is He, you ask? Not just yet my friend, but soon, I will tell you.
He not only watches me, He hears me.
He listens better than any friend can.
He's not always clearly heard, but when I do hear Him, I know He's right.
He knows everything, but tells only the things I can handle to hear.
He's a great friend, the best I've been able to find.
Some people choose to ignore Him, but those who hear him, and do His will, they will be blessed.
Do you know who I'm talking about yet?
This thing I was missing, really wasn't Him, it was being closer to Him.
This thing I was missing, has always been here waiting for me.
He's always been willing and ready to be closer to me, but I guess I haven't noticed.
He's someone I can depend on.
All things are done by his will.
He is my best friend. He is all I need and more. He is the reason I'm still living. He is God. He will always be here. Whether I'm looking to Him or not, He's still there. And that is one reason, I cannot let this go, I cannot keep telling myself I can survive on my own. God IS my refuge. And I can't keep this in anymore.
A friend asked me today, "Are you still a Bible Banger?" How do you answer that? I mean, I didn't want to say yes, because I'm not "banging" anything. But If I said no, she would have thought I didn't worship God anymore. So here I am confused, and I had not one word to say to her. All I managed to say was "I love God, so if that's what your asking then yes. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't refer to it like that." I don't think I handled that correctly. I could have answered it much nicer and I didn't. Oh well. . .it's in the past. Anyways, this is what I'm talking about when I say I can't keep it in anymore. I don't want to hide this from my PA friends, or any friends for that matter.
God is not something you put in your pocket and pull out when you're alone. That is disrespectful. He MADE us. And how do we repay Him? We hide him. That doesn't seem to be a fitting way to say thank you, does it? I didn't think so.
God isn't trying to hide that fact that He loves you, so why do some people try to hide that they love Him? Sorry, I started out talking about what I was missing, and this is what I ended up writing. Oh well, maybe that's the way God wanted it.
Ashlee
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