. . .The End

Goodbye Joe User.

Published on September 19, 2004 By Ashlee Ryder In Blogging

This is probably the article that a lot of Joeusers have been waiting for. I can't say I blame you. I mean, goodness, look what I've done. I've caused so much chaotic shit on here, that its not even funny. I never meant for anyone to get hurt, and now looking back, I should have seen that eventually someone would get hurt. Unfortunately, I was blinded by my "fun". Now it's beginning to make sense that I'm a bitch.

I feel bad for Alyssa and the new baby. It would have to suck pretty badly to have a mother like me. I didn't realize how my internet life would affect my children. Who would have known? I guess from the way I've been online, probably hides the chance of me actually being a semi-good person in actual life.

I have no excuse for the things I've done and/or said. All I can say is this. I know I was wrong. I know I need "help" I know I hurt people, and there's no reason for any of that to have ever happened. Sometimes, You just don't realize how things will really come back to bite you in the ass, until it's too late. I have a lot of mending to do. Mending of the holes I've "torn" in my family, not only because of my lies, but for things that I couldn't control. Well I guess I could have, but didn't want to at the time. But that's a whole different story that I don't need to get into.

This will be my last article. I was thinking today, about my first couple of articles. The ones that didn't have anything to do with me, but more on the way I used to feel about God and His grace. I used to think of His love as never-ending. But how can He love someone, who has caused so much pain, and anger? I don't think He can or will forgive me. There are a lot of people who I don't think can forgive me. But that's okay, cause you get what you give.

I have to reap what I've sown, and what I've sown, isn't very good seeds. I can only hope that my daughter and son/daughter will not hear of the things their awful mother has done. I've learnt a lesson from all of this:
Being yourself is better than being something you're not. Who you are, may be beautiful before you try being someone else, and after you're being someone you're not, you may not be able to go back to being as beautiful as you may have been before.

Beauty being on the inside, makes me a very ugly person. I don't deserve to have friends, or beauty or happiness after all that I've said and done that has hurt someone somewhere.

I guess all I'm trying to say here is, I won't be checking my blog any longer. Maybe a here and there, peek to see if anyone has left any more comments, but I would be surprised at myself if I come back after today, I've caused too much pain. If there is anything you'd like to say, please feel free to e-mail it to me. That way, you can have reassurance that I'll actually get it.

Email

Thanks for taking time to read this, and thanks for showing me the real bitch that I am.
"Goodbyes sometimes do more damage than they do good, but in the end, you can't please everyone."

Ashlee

Comments

on Dec 06, 2004

You left before I got to know you.

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